Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

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I've seen kids in homes where they can sense that the lack of consequences translates into something akin to apathy, and the effects are devastating.

What Is Unconditional Parenting? - Think Positive Check

Kohn explains that simple acknowledgment is what really fuels a child's sense of self-worth, and that merely giving a child your undivided attention is worth more than 1000 "good jobs. I’m currently 18 and not a parent but both my parents love this book and so I have heard a lot about Alfie Kohn.If your kid does something bad, try to explain why it was bad and invoke empathy as much as possible (have their actions affected someone else, perhaps? What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them. Show them unconditional love: make it absolutely crystal clear to your kid that you love them no matter what they do. Kohn argues that when we rely on external motivators such as rewards and punishments, we are teaching our children that their worth depends on their actions.

Unconditional Parenting - Booktopia

Many of us don't have the energy to explain to a child about how that television keeps the peace in our marriage, is our only connection to the outside world, or is the only form of entertainment we can afford. If you’re constantly yelling and arguing with your kids and constantly need to show your children who the boss is, you’re still stuck in the old ways of raising kids; meaning, you’re missing out on conscious parenting. Kohn has two children and understands that day-to-day life threatens to overwhelm even the most conscientious parent. He asserts that a "working with" approach, rather than the more traditional "doing to" approach, more effectively reaches the goal of a sensitive, caring and independent child. Alfie had me questioning things that I believed to be "best practice" in both the classroom and at home with my toddler.I read pop psych books like others devour romance novels or baseball statistics (check out my Social Media reading list or my behavioral economics list for my favorite books in these areas). He clearly states that it is not a parenting book, rather a discussion of the idea of unconditional parenting. And they cannot develop them at all unless their baser needs for safety, belonging, and love are met.

Unconditional Parenting - (Book) - Alfie Kohn

If you believe in the humanity in children and in growing their own sense of individuality then this book is for you. It took me about a week to read it and caused what I can say was my first real "I'm-not-the-awesome-parent-I-thought-I-was" crisis. My appreciation of this book grew and I understood more of what the author's point was after sitting in this class and knowing how manipulated I would feel if someone treated me the way we often treat our children. I recommend this book to all parents who are looking for ways to foster a positive relationship with their child that honors and respects the child as their own person.By including them in the decision-making, you help boost their sense of confidence to make better future decisions. What I found interesting about this book also is the fact that so many of its proposed ideas seem unbelievable at first but after some time you start to think about it and relate your own childhood and it changes you completely. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short.